reality drifting…

11:45 pm or 23:45 depending on your backgroung… and 2 things play on my mind… one…. my good Father in Heaven… SunnyD, Vodka and crunhits rock… and two, has love ruined my perspective on love?  A little confusing but yeah… you read right… when it comes to love…. I don’t know if I am comming or going any more… I am bitter and untrusting, yet I am compasionate and want to give the benifit of the doubt… I manage to occupie both extremes of the spectrum at once…. the suspicous, untrusting, slightly vindcitive side of me comes as a result of previous relationships…. and yes, I knwo that you should never bring anything from one relationship into another, or worse yet, let it effect a relationship before its even begun… but… experience is the greatest teacher is it not??? but my nature is that of a kind, loving, understanding, forgiveing, trusting soul… the two are in constant conflict… is that insane? or is it simply the nature of experience? 
I feel as though the only way to stay safe, unhurt and heartbroken… is to remain ‘off the market’… but I long for someone to share a life with… someone to talk to about my day, someone to share problems and solutions with… someone to discuss/argue over wall colors with… someone to be proud of my achivments and someone to be proud of…. so… which end is up? well for me I guess it is a person who is able to accept that I have pleased ‘the world’ for as long as I’m willing to and now am only really interesting in doing what is ‘right for me’… I used to be a little uptigth and square but now, I am looking for someone to make me happy… smiling and laughing are great things… I guess all I really want is for someone to have the same unconditional love for me as I have for them…. someone who values the little things like random kisses during supper preperation or luandry… someone who shows you off at parties even though you feel a little less than HOT… someone who also thinks that a smile is the best pay back you could ask for for a deed worthing of a smile…  I know. I’m a little ‘OFF’ but… you know what…. thats me… take it or leave it… anyway… I am loosing my train of thought and therefore retiring for the night… Sweet Dreams all my friends… and randome peopel just checking things out……… later all

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